


an ode to his sanity

by takoyaki (tamagoyaki), tamagoyaki



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Basically KHR chara in Scum Villain's place, Boss! Tsuna, M/M, Wimp! Tsuna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 02:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagoyaki/pseuds/takoyaki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagoyaki/pseuds/tamagoyaki
Summary: Sawada Tsuna, age 20, is transmigrated into the role of the last boss upon death.





	an ode to his sanity

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I choose to post this fic months after it's been written? =.=

-

**[Sawada Tsunayoshi. Age: 20]**

“Eh, what?”

**[Occupation: A full-time undergrad at Namimori University. Grades: Average. No particular outstanding trait. Anyways, doomed to be the most dame kind of person you’ll find on the street.]**

“Wait! Hold on! What are you doing, going on about some primer of my life?! And I’m not no-good—”

**[This is a story about his life upon death.]**

-

It begins with the choking. Oh, the choking.

Sawada Tsunayoshi, age 20 [the rest curtailed], has always sort of got the feeling that all the web novels and fanfiction he reads will be the death of him one day. He just never thought it will be that literal, so unlike the ‘distraction, career ruined, life ruined’ path he’d thought it would take.

It begins with the web novel named [Proud Immortal’s Demonic Way of Cultivation].

PIDWC, for short. God, how much Tsunayoshi had loved it.

The story basically starts out with the main character, Reborn, wandering into a ditch and saving a member of the public. Only, said member of the public turned out to be not so much a member of the public as he is future lackey of Reborn, as well as one of the best surveillance guards around – Colonello.

Written from the perspective of Colonello, the story had basically been about the half-demon Reborn and human lackey Colonello toeing the lines between demon and mortal worlds alike. From time to time, they would make new friends such as Lal Mirch (or ‘The Madam’ as the people online liked to call her). From time to time, Reborn would seduce women and get them to spill the beans on the corruption of one country or another.

Tsuna won’t go into the specifics. It’s not like he can remember every plot detail out of the 400,000 word over novel that spoke about Reborn’s nightly escapades.

The good days come to an end when best side-character, Colonello, reveals that he is a spy sent by the mysterious Reborn’s old cultivation sect. And from there, the story wastes no time in plunging in the final arc: The Vongola Arc!!!

Many questions that arose during Reborn and Colonello’s resolution of the demonic world’s various issues finally are answered. Many more are raised.

Who is the Sect Head, Sawada Tsunayoshi?! Why had Reborn ran away from his Sect when it should be as good as his home?! Why is the infamous side character who had stolen the limelight from bestie Colonello despite showing up in only 3 chapters – Hibari Kyoya – so suspicious of Sawada Tsunayoshi?!

The netizens were screaming in high, embarrassing, unmanly notes when they read up to this part – In particular, Sawada Tsunayoshi stood out because it’s _his name_ that the author had used!

He should have known not to use his real name when he was posting comments down below! So this is how the author, ‘it’s Vongola Decimo, _trash_’, planned to get his revenge for all of Tsuna’s passionate commentary on the terrible sex portions. Isn’t this just making him out to be the villain he has never been?!

Reasonably so, when all truths have been dragged out from under the Vongola Sect’s foot – ie. The sect head, Sawada Tsunayoshi turned out to be a villain controlling all strings behind the scenes, surprise, surprise; Reborn – poor, sweet younger Reborn – was abused by Tsunayoshi previously and ran after discovering the corruption within his home – Tsuna thought that would be the end of the story. But _noooo_. The author had to go on and add a section where it turns out the main protagonist is even more of a villain than the scum villain himself.

It made some sort of twisted sense since the main protagonist has never said he is a good person, but still!

Tsuna wept tears of blood when he reads that Big Boss Tsuna is made into a human stake. Limbs cut off, tongue cut off, and even having an eyeball dug out, whilst hanging from the throat in some kind of kinky rope shit.

Is this how the author plans to kill him for all his roasting on terrible sex portions?! Is this his retribution for giving constructive criticism?! Getting his favourite character in whole world to kill him on paper?!

Tsuna just… ah, didn’t expect the pill he’d been swallowing to go down the wrong pipe and make his favourite character kill him quite literally as well.

It involves multiple attempts at trying for the nurse’s call button. Tsuna’s health hasn’t been at the best when the whole Vongola fiasco started.

Then, he much predictably trips over some wires on the ground and finds himself twisted up in them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so… he died.

…………

Tsuna had been determined to curse PIDWC for the first time (though he’s not really sure how) in his last moment in this life, when he heard a voice that sounds distinctly squeaky and high-pitched.

**[‘Curse the [Proud Immortal’s Demonic Way of Cultivation]’. Now, accepting the applicant’s request for entry into this world.]**

Tsuna’s eyes are unwilling to bulge, vision fading. Wha…t…?

**[Entry into this world: Approved! We operate on the ‘You can, you do’ basis. Wish you all the luck in making an ever better plot for this story! …_Or else._]**

Scary! It’s too scary, Mother! Tsuna will squirm in fear if he’s not dying! What is this voice in his head?!

**[Hurry up and get going already, Dame-Tsuna.] **The mental equivalent of a kick seems to be directed at his bum. Tsuna wants to shriek. Go _where_—?! **[Ciao, ciao~~~!]**

Hold on!

-

It’s with a flash of light that Tsuna enters this world. He doesn’t know whether to weep in grief or glee when he sees a handsome, winning face boring down at him.

At least he isn’t literally being _reborn_, mind you! [Pun Intended]

This character before him is dressed in elegant layers of rippling scarlet, emblazoned with autumn leaf patterns and gold embroidery. His neck-length strands of silvery-grey hair is tied back into a small pony at the nape of his neck, the trailing green hair tie a matching pair with the patterns of his clothes. Lidded green eyes peer at him with concern, not unlike sparkling pieces of emerald.

Like all characters of the PIDWC, this character has an unfairly handsome face. It’s… scholarly. Not like the way Tsuna imagined he’d be. Not to mention, that slender neck is good! Very good! Suddenly, Tsuna gets why the fujoshi’s just love to ship this guy with that one other character.

Emerald eyes drift away from Tsuna’s hand where they’ve just been boring an unwitting hole into. Their eyes meet, for a full second. Emerald eyes widen and the young-twenty-something-looking immortal barks—

“JYUUDAIME! How are you feeling!?”

Tsuna winces, ignoring the urge to rub his ears in favour of gasping and sobbing wretchedly in the depths of his heart.

What. Did. You. Just. Call. Him?!

Can you please not?! He’s not your Jyuudaime in anyway whatsoever! Not to mention… if this guy is truly calling him that… Does that mean he is going to be the one that is staked at the end of this whole story?!

Gasp. Does that mean Tsuna has _no choice_ but to end up as a human stake?!

There should be limits to any person’s cruelty! Why is he the one in this situation?!!! He mentally screams aghast.

**[Because it’s fun.]**

You shut up! Or rather, do you know if there’s any way possible for him to return to his original world? _Tsuna will do anything, please._

**[If you return now, you’ll officially ascend to the heavens as nothing but a useless corpse.] **He gets the distinct feeling that the System is turning its back on him. **[But even then, do you really want to go?]**

You—! You, you, you, you—!

Tsuna screams in his heart and sobs pathetically, dropping his face in his palms.

“Jyuudaime, are you okay?” Worried, the flustered subordinate fusses.

What is this whole System thing anyways?

**[I told you. This system operates on a ‘you can, you do’ basis. Since a certain someone was cursing out the plot of [Proud Immortal’s Demonic Way of Cultivation], you have now been tasked with the mission of making it even better! Congratulations~!]**

Congratulations, my foot! How can you even elevate the plotline of PIDWC?!

**[That is up to you, dearest customer. Now, you better hurry up and answer, or I’ll start deducting marks from your Coolness Points. Ah, you’re starting from a 100, just so you know. And also, once it reaches 0, you’ll be deported back to your original world. So be warned.]**

Kuh…!

You’re not even allowing him the time to grief for himself, huh…!

_He _just died! Somebody just died! At least allow him the time to process this information and steel his heart for what’s up ahead! (Not that he’ll ever be ready for Reborn.)

**[The society is a dog-eat-dog world.]** The System speaks in an oddly sympathetic tone, suggesting it’s 100% faking it.

**[Also, you’re in Level 0 mode right now. So minus 10 points for OOC!]**

Tsuna’s ready to bleed rivers of blood from his eyes.

There are _levels_ to this?!

“—Jyuudaime, if—ah, if you don’t feel well, should I go out and get the useless turf head to come in?” Gokudera Hayato, Vongola’s Storm Peak Lord – Tsuna knows him, yes. _Yes_, Tsuna knows him – hovers like he’s a wailing babe in need of a mother’s milk. His face scrunches in obvious reluctance. “—Not that I think he can do much, if he’s useless in fixing your qi deviation already.”

Ah, this NPC. Tsuna had felt so endeared to him when he learnt that they are partners-in-crime. Basically, their fates are sealed and he won’t be alone even in death. It’s comforting. …Even if he is still a child-abuser.

Flustered under the hovering Storm Peak Lord’s concern, Tsuna scrambles for words to say and unwittingly stutters—

“Oh, e-erm—”

**[_Bzzt! _Stuttering is OOC! Minus 10 points!] **Crows one cheerful system happily.

Oh, this system is just really…!

“I’m fine. There is nothing for you to be concerned about, Hayato.” Tsuna evens his composure and goes all the way out, even throwing that first name in there.

The novel’s portrayal of each of the seven peak lords of the Vongola Sect in Past Arc, ‘Ashes and Shadows’, showed that all of them held close ties to each other, in particular, towards Sawada Tsunayoshi. When their leader became blackened, they followed suit and spread the corruption. So going out on a whim, using first names should just be further support for his (false! Take it! Take it! He doesn’t want it!) identity.

“But, even so, Jyuudaime—” Gokudera pursues his lips.

“Must I repeat myself?” Tsuna levels him a cold stare.

I’M SORRY!

He mentally claps his hands together multiple times, prostrating before this mighty puppy with his own spewed apologies. Please don’t leave him alone to his fate after this, he’s begging you…!

“…Pardon me for speaking out of line.” Gokudera backs off, but his eyes remain petulant on Tsuna. “It’s just – I can’t help but worry after having found you collapsed in your chambers. That turf head said it’s merely qi deviation. But you know qi deviation is never that simple.”

Being an avid fan of such xianxia stories and whatnot, Tsuna wants to spew a mouthful of blood at the reminder.

He mentally turns an accusing eye on the incredibly dubious system.

You mean all this time, he could have blamed his OOC-ness on qi deviation?! Give him back his points!

**[Oh, just imagine if they know their beloved Peak Lord Boss has been taken over by you.] **The System whispers conspiratorially.

…

Okay, then!

Tsuna resists the painful urge to smile nervously and internally sweats up a storm, turning to Gokudera. It’s hard to know what the limits of OOC is or is not either. He reaches out on a whim anyways and pats the Storm Peak Lord’s tightly interlaced hands in reassurance.

Sawada Tsunayoshi is stone-cold. Like, literally, the novel described him as a statue carved out from fine jade. Totally unlike Reborn’s character. (Do note the sarcasm.) But on the rare occasions when he did display some gentleness – either false, as younger Reborn finds out very quickly; or genuine, around the other peak lords – he is always showing it in his actions.

Gokudera is startled by the pat and for an instant, Tsuna freezes, thinking he might have overstepped his bounds.

The Storm Peak Lord gives a tiny, shy smile in the next moment, sort of like a child haggling a secret that his mother had shared with him. He’s quick to conceal it, but Tsuna sees it.

Tsuna wants to weep. What business does this villain have, being all sweet like that? A good villain should be vicious and evil, okay?

“All matters up upon Jyuudaime’s peak has been settled during your absence.” Gokudera murmurs, slightly more relaxed under the assurance of his Big Boss. “The Sword Idiot has been in-charge of the Sky disciples’ practical training. The Stupid Cow has been completing all logistics to ensure it is smooth-running. …I, too, have occasionally been whipping up on the disciples’ learning. There is no need for Jyuudaime to worry. You may focus all your time on resting.”

“Hm.” Tsuna gives a perfunctory hum. Novel Tsunayoshi wouldn’t thank him.

He skims his gaze over the other.

“And… what about Reborn?” This deep in, Tsuna really shouldn’t still wince over the author’s poor naming sense.

“The demon child?” Gokudera is startled.

Tsuna is equally startled. According to the novel, none of the Vongola Sect members had known Reborn is a half-demon till he returned with all guns out and blazing. But even so, ‘demon’ was commonly tossed around as a nickname for Reborn. Tsuna just didn’t know it was used even amongst the upper echelons and more precisely, by the pretentious, stoney-faced Sawada Tsunayoshi himself.

“There’s no need to worry!” Gokudera beams, whipping out two thumbs up. “He is being locked up and beaten proper, as per your orders!”

NOOOOOOOO!

Is crying and tossing wretchedly now too late to repent for his actions?

This is the demon protagonist! The number one assassin to-be! The hitman who smiled and never failed to miss a target thereafter! Tsuna thinks he hears a nuclear bomb dropping down on motherlands in the backdrop. Because, there’s no going back after this! What has the original article done?!?

Still for many moments because of the sheer fright his poor heart received – this body is good. Really good! His former body would have suffered a heart attack with this kind of shock – Tsuna coughs <strike>regretfully</strike> awkwardly into a fist thereafter, looking at Gokudera with a coolly composed gaze.

“There is no need for that kind of punishment.”

**[Due to OOC, minus 10-] **

“I trust that you’ve made these few days of beating suffice.” Tsuna briskly says.

**[What a pity.] **

This system really is going all gung-ho about killing him, isn’t it?!

“…But… Jyuudaime,” Gokudera looks hesitant to abide. “The Demon Boy. He is—”

“Hayato. Are you questioning my decisions?” Ssh. _Ssssssshhh._ The lesser you badmouth the OP protagonist, the lower your chances of death in the future!

“I… Not at all, Jyuudaime.” Gokudera shrinks back.

“In that case, bring the child here, please.” Tsuna tosses in that word to lighten the blow.

Hesitant to leave Tsuna alone with Reborn in privacy, the tail-wagging puppy droops a little and slinks off reluctantly.

Tsuna has really got to correct his image of that character. He is so much cuter when he’s not standing on the other side of the battlefield, going up against Reborn’s ally, Fon, or just glaring down at younger Reborn. It’s a lot tougher now to imagine him as the Right-Hand of the Vongola Sect Head, boring daggers into young Reborn as if he is scum.

Or rather.

“Whew…!” Tsuna turns into a pile of goo the moment Gokudera is gone.

**[Not bad. 1/100, I’d say.]** The system chimes with smug satisfaction.

Too high. Its standards are too high!

Nevermind commandeering this loose cannon with his Sawada Tsunayoshi facade. His knees have been weak all this time just talking to The Tactician.

How is he going to face Reborn in a moment?!

-

The reason why Tsuna wants to see Reborn despite having the crap scared out of him is simple, really.

Damage control! If he patches everything up as soon as possible, there shouldn’t be enough time for the half-demon’s grudge to snowball to the Human-Stake-extent, right?

With a rap on the door and a respectful “Jyuudaime, I’ve brought him”, Tsuna quickly recomposes himself and murmurs his permission, allowing Gokudera to lead him inside.

The boy who steps in can’t possibly be older than thirteen. Reborn passed the Sect’s tests at age ten, so that means he’s been under Tsunayoshi’s less than tender mercies for three years or so, right? (Is there even salvation at this point? *whimpers*)

Wearing a sullen face that only seems to amplify the cuteness of those last remaining baby fat clinging to his cheeks, lips physically incapable of arranging into anything not pout-seemly, Reborn at this stage of his life is cute – not unlike that baby cousin who is always pouting and pushing you away sort of manner. Tsuna’s only lament is that that fine face, very soon to grow into a winning smirk that seduces a thousand beauties, is littered full of purpling and grey bruises, not unlike the pale of his limbs poking out from under too-large orange robes.

He’s dead.

Irrevocably so.

Tsuna’s almost glad that the original is dead too, just so this version of child Reborn doesn’t have to suffer any more than that.

**[Warning! If your actions go beyond the boundaries of the original’s character, I will forcibly strip you of your points and lead you to the netherworlds.]**

He can almost not give a flipping shit about the System’s words droning on the back of his head, if it’s for the sake of this child.

Cute little Reborn – his mind still hasn’t reconciliated this boy with that player – levels him a wary stare with two pitch black obsidian eyes. He folds his hands before himself, allowing long orange sleeves to fall and hide his bruises.

Ah, right.

Tsuna’s reminded in an instant.

It’s here, after the nth beating, that Reborn first realized that Sawada Tsunayoshi enjoys seeing him hurt most of all. Each time he hides his bruises from full display, Tsunayoshi always called for an order of more. Reborn always hides his bruises, resolving to take revenge on Tsunayoshi for each stroke. And eventually, much to Tsuna’s gut-wrenching dread, he does.

If this is the normal Tsuna, he will giggle and chuckle nervously and avert his gaze until he can no longer avoid this topic.

Unfortunately for him, in this world, that’s considered OOC. Damn it! Tsuna’s rapidly-levelling ability of cursing really is coming to good use! Why does Sawada Tsunayoshi have such a stiff personality?!

Peering down at the boy for the longest time, Tsuna finally allows the words to slip—

“Do you hate me?”

What?! No, no! What is he saying? Somebody, slap this mouth this instant please!

Frozen by those words, obsidian eyes flicker to him – Him and his Tsunayoshi body, and his impassively stoic face and downturned lips and _oh god, everything about him at this moment is just giving off a bad impression, isn’t it? _That said, it’s not like he can suddenly pop a wink at the boy hoping to lighten the mood and not have the system cut short his literal HP.

“…” Reborn can’t say the truth, because Tsuna is his Sect Head regardless. Not to mention, he also doesn’t know what punishment Tsuna might give if he says the truth.

Thus, not wanting the speechless boy to lie (because he’s pretty certain it’d mean another finger cut off, bit by bit by bit), Tsuna hurries and adds a canon-ly,

“If you hate me, then make sure to grow stronger.”

The instant he says it, he freezes.

This can be taken two ways:

  1. Grow stronger and have your revenge on me.

And 2. This master is doing all of this for your good. Buck up, kid!

Tsuna regrets his own choice of words immediately.

What is he saying? Oh god. _What is he saying_?! Does he want Reborn to saw off his arm with that one-line primer _“This is all for your own good”_ whispered into his ear? Admittedly, it kind of matches with that kinky neck hanging bullshit. But his mission objective here is to not die, okay?!

His face twitches in effort to hold back the spasm he feels coming.

“Come here.” He waves the child over with a hand.

After hesitating, Reborn warily abides by the orders of his Sect Head and inches forward.

Tsuna can almost hear the whispered lines of Past Reborn – those same words which he had skimmed over five or six times – murmuring at himself to endure. But nope! Nothing to endure here! Not unless you count this shameless master’s attempt at self-resurrection a painful torment!

“Here.” Tsuna shoves a container of medical salve at the small boy.

The sourpuss System begins a low chime full of displeasure, **[For openly helping the Protagonist and being OOC, minus 10 points--]**

Tsuna nearly openly gapes. Wait, wait, wait, wait! What the hell is even ‘in character’?!

Wrenching the startled boy’s sleeve up his arm, Tsuna recklessly presses two fingertips into the salve and jabs it down hard enough to hurt. Reborn hisses, biting down on the sound. Tsuna’s soul nearly flies out of his mouth.

“I hope you have sufficiently learnt your lesson.” Tsuna says, wholly dignified despite the hard thumping of his heart in his ears. “It won’t do for a student of the Sky Peak to look this unseemly. Take this ointment, and apply it daily.”

Tsuna’s mouth is set firmly in a downturned line as he scowls down at his student.

Inner Tsuna is bawling ugly tears and wrenching sobs.

This is enough. Enough! Right?!

Oi, Sawada Tsunayoshi! Why did you have to be one who doesn’t just speak with his words? Tsuna even has to torment poor Reborn here physically because of your character! God, how many lashes will he be receiving in the future for this one bruise?

Reborn’s eyes are at half-mast, obsidians swirling with faint confusion.

“Master, I’m not sure I understand.” Face pulled into that uncontrollable sulking pout, Reborn looks outwardly impassive, but Tsuna imagines he’s cursing said Master here for his unreadable actions as he cradles the container of salve. “This is… for my usage?”

Yes, yes. What. Did you expect him to pass you the medicine just to set you up for ‘stealing’, like your senior did? Well, Tsuna’s sorry! He nearly forgot that’s in your origins story!

“…Don’t ask meaningless questions.” Tsuna turns his impassive face away. Really, he’s just inwardly lamenting his mistake in forgetting that part of the story. “Make sure you’re presentable the next time I see you. You are dismissed.”

With confusion shining clear in twin obsidian eyes, Reborn’s expression is quick to shutter off into an unflappable grim look.

He lowers himself into a low bow, putting his hands together in the most polite salute he can muster (which Tsuna knows he’s learnt from Sasagawa Kyoko of the Sun Peak) before murmuring a soft sounding, “Thank you, Master, for your kindness.”

Tsuna keeps his eyes on his back all the way until the bamboo door closes silently behind him.

_Then_ Tsuna screeching-cries into his pillow at max volume, laughing and laughing till his throat’s sore over the new state of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> likely not continued, but i can't guarantee  
do kudos/comment to indicate your interest


End file.
